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fail blog

I feel like a failure and i havent evn done anything. this is pathetic. I just got a real job and all anyone can say is do this do that, make sure you don't forget, suceed you need to do better etc. I havn't even started yet! it's like they want me to fail. I already have.


water water everywhere...

feelingit again. that sinking feeling. It really don'es feel like a darkness setting in. why am i not happy?

I feel it

I feel it. The happiness seeping away. There is not reason to feel like this but I do. Maybe i am tired but that dosen't feel i have to unhappy. What's happening to me :(

it's getting better all the time

Doing better today! still alittle down but working on it. I am going to start reaching out to friends againa nd join a dating website. it will get me out of the house.

don't think it'sok

I don't think being depressed all the time is ok. I am not even having my period and I am depressed.

tears

I just want to cry. No reason but to cry. mabe itn's the fasting that is getting to me or that fact that I am alone and have never been with a man, I don't kno wbut I know I want to cry and wallow in self pity that won't get me anywhere. I really hope this philips job works out because if it dosen't then I am going to do something crazy!

AHHHHH

So i just got off the phone iwht Philips and it sound promising, but then I say that and nothing ever happens! i guess we shall wait and see.

wiped out

Long day! started fasting today, i am having a hard time right now but shoud be ok. Ha d a meeting with the career education lady, gave me some good tips, some things I was doing wrong. I have to call the vitamin world guy his phone is busy. exciting news though i heard back from the philips lady so I just called to let her know I got her message and hopeflly she will call me back. time to sleep I am sooo tired. I don't think I will be abel to go to the gym. I had a hard time driving earlier. adios!

Hurting

It's sad. i wake up everyday thinking i will get so much done but instead i sit at my computar completely depressed. It's also dosen't help that i have been listeing to Damien Rice. I just feel so empty.  I hope somthing good comes out of NC.

harder and harder everyday

if this is depression I hate it. yesterday i went out with freinds, it was fun but I just wasnt' there. It also didn't help that the second I left to pay for drinks they were swarmed by men. When I got back to the table, I was the thrid wheel for at least 2 hours. No one talked to me and I had to watch my friends flirt it up. I should have left right then and there and had then walk home. but no I tortured myself and stayed and gave them a ride home, all the while listening to them as they compared notes about there boyfreinds and sex lives.

argh! Everyday I can feel myself dying a little bit more. That black hole just gets bigger and bigger.